I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
