i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
