when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
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