I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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