remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
