he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
