Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
