I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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