I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
