scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
