im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
