great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
