i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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