why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
