Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
