I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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