hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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