you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
