Ambien. No doubt about it.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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