just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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