I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
they're like a gay fantastic four
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
