I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
We have so much sex to catch up on
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
