his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
