I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
