DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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