i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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