wanna go halves on a baby?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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