Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
