Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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