You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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