and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
