come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
birth control should be required to get into college
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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