Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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