she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
