Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
