I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
