Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
