I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
