just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
