His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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