I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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