I don't think brook has ever known best
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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