Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
