I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
