I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
