How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
