my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Say something about gay babies.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
