I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
