I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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