My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
