I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
