I feel like I'm in dance class right now
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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