It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Randomize
