If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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