Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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